still..lost.
i'm still vexed over the issue of whether to continue/terminate my course.
i told many friends bout my plans:
- some thought i was silly
- some thought it was a waste to give up
- some thought i was joking
- some said i "shen zai fu zhong bu zhi fu"
- only 1 fully supported me (thanks :) )
my mom kept dissuading me, even though i told her that was what i wanted, even when i told her what i know i was doing. she even thought i was skipping school (apparently she doesn't know that it's the study break) because i was home today. she thought i'd already informed the school that i wanted to withdraw from the course and chided me for not informing her.
as for dad, i never got a chance to speak to him as i never manage to gather the courage to. when i did, he'd be sleeping in his room.
i know they'd never be happy with this decision.
i think the depression is setting in again. last sat i just broke down infront of my parents. i couldn't stop crying. i even had the thought to hurt myself. i didn't do anything stupid of course but i felt really lost.
it really ain't easy. as much as i want to withdraw from the course, i'm actually very afraid of making the wrong choice. there're just too many things to worry about.
right now, i'm thinking of either taking a break from the course or converting to part time. i guess this is the best decision that would satisfy my parents and me. i've just wrote in to the course manager to ask for details. wish me luck.
:) good nite.
note: i'm not giving up the course because i know i am failing 1 module. i can't deny that had a little impact on my decision but the main reason for deriving at this decision is simply because "i cannot see where i'm heading". most undergrads can't and i find it really sad. that is why i want to take a different or perhaps more challenging path to "try out" the society and find out what i really want. with the experience i gather, i'd also like to fulfil my dream of being an entrepreneur one day. i deem that as a brilliant way to make me realise what i really want in life so i can live it to the fullest. but unfortunately, many others do not think the same way. nicole @
name: nicole aka liyan
d.o.b: 10 12 85
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email: nikkomoo@msn.com
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